By Rosana Braga | Translation: Rebecca Carvalho
You’ve met someone and you’re head over heels. Everything is going fine, you two have a great connection, you declare your feelings, there’s romance, passion, and you feel more and more complete, you’re committed, and feel certain that you’ve finally found a person worthy of being in a relationship with.
However, when you least expect, you’re disappointed. That’s the feeling you get when you find out that wonderful person in your life, that person who constantly says he loves you, already has a relationship with someone else.
Yes, you’re the other woman. How do you handle and judge this situation, considering that the relationship you have so far has been really special and strong? How do you know whether the connection you two have is true? On one hand, everything about it makes you believe that, indeed, he is just as much involved with you, interested, and in love. But, then, why doesn’t he stay with you, and only you? In summary, if you’re going through something similar and it doesn’t bother you, then it’s fair to say everything is all right.
I won’t mention it again. If everything isn’t all right, however, you better prepare for a roller-coaster of thoughts, feelings, and decisions. There aren’t many people willing to ignore everything about the future, and only focus on what they have now. There are people who don’t know what they want. And you certainly aren’t that person. What should you do? Should you accept the circumstances the way they are? Should you give the relationship up and sabotage your happiness? Should you give him an ultimatum and demand he should make a decision, even though there’s a risk he won’t choose you?
What are you willing to go through to be with your loved one – Pain, sadness, low self-esteem, jealousy, insecurities, lack of trust, and deep conflicts within you? It really isn’t easy to find yourself in a love triangle, particularly when you didn’t know you were joining it. You deal with a feeling that you’re in some sort of competition, and it hurts your ego, it hurts your pride when you compare what you have and his other relationship.
There’s anger, and strangely more passion, fear of abandonment, and you feel as if you are in Middle School again and you are the last person picked for teams at gym class. Let’s get everything straight: you know what you want, don’t you? You want to be with him, don’t you? You’ve made your decision. You feel mature enough to be committed, true, and loyal, don’t you? The truth is, who doesn’t know what he wants, who can’t pick one person to be with, and who’s not ready to live your love entirely? It’s him, right?
That said here’s something you should ponder: how much do you think you deserve from life and love? Is being the other woman enough? Why would you want to go through such draining relationship? If he says he loves you so much, why can’t “she” know that you exist in his life? It would be fair to everyone if she did, wouldn’t it? Life is made of choices, including love choices.
The ability to make decisions is called maturity. Only someone who hasn’t grown up yet doesn’t know how to make choices, psychologically speaking. I’m every day more certain that sharing your life with someone else, dedicating love and sincerity, is a mutual learning experience and the biggest of all challenges us – men and women, will face. Keeping that in mind, there should be dignity and integrity in the process. And, above all, we should make it count, whatever the decision we make.
* Rosana Braga is a Brazilian journalist and author of several books on self-help and relationships. She has contributed with Soul Brasil during the three first years of the magazine – www.rosanabraga.com.br