By Rosana Braga
Every jealous person, in his state of a good conscience, knows very well that it is useless to rage, fight, argue and corrode inside because of his mind-blowing fantasies, his devouring thoughts, and his crazy ‘certainties’, almost always unfounded. But it is useless to know because when jealousy arrives, all reason vanishes.
What prevails is a kind of magnifying glass, making any situation a great probability of losing what is loved. When he finds himself, there he is raging, fighting, arguing, and corroding inside because of his mind-blowing fantasies, his devouring thoughts, and his crazy certainties, often unfounded.
Jealousy is difficult to explain because it is not based on real facts, but on the way, the jealous interpret these facts. The jealous person seems to be constantly on the alert, ready to at last obtain proof that his suspicions were right. It is a good example of the saying that “whoever seeks, ends up finding”. He is always looking for something to validate him, to give him the feeling – even though it is the most feared and the most painful – that he was really right.
If jealousy bothers you and hurts you, it is certainly time to stop fighting against it, just like a Don Quixote fighting against windmills, and discover the end of the thread; only then will you be able to untie the knots, understand? Therefore, it is not a question of fighting against oneself and one’s feelings, but of accepting, understanding, and transforming oneself. After all, jealousy is nothing more than the perception (albeit unconscious) that we have no guarantees or control over what the other feels and thinks. It is the certainty that, no matter how hard we try, we cannot always be the center of our desires.
More than loving the other, the jealous wants to possess him, considering that the desire for possession can be exercised in many different ways. According to each person’s beliefs, the practice and expression of jealousy will occur in different ways. We’re going to describe some types of jealousy, even to elucidate some unaware that his feeling is jealousy, although he tries – all the time – to ensure that he doesn’t, giving other names to what he’s feeling, such as care, respect, education, attention, love, etc.
* Whiny jealous: is one who, when seeing or imagining a situation in which it seems evident the possibility of losing the loved one or simply stop being the focus of his total attention, gets closed.
* Revengeful jealous: one who, in the face of the feelings mentioned above, common to all jealous people, hastens to give.
* Quarrelsome jealous: this guy is the one who doesn’t think twice before giving out.
* Poor fellow jealous: he is the type who always believes he is being deceived, betrayed, disregarded. Judge the other and the rest of the people.
* Rosana Braga is a Brazilian journalist and author of several books on self-help and relationships. She has contributed with Soul Brasil during the three first years of the magazine – www.rosanabraga.com.br