Do people see you as you really are? When the image we project differs from our thoughts, feelings, desires, and values, we may create emotional “masks” that affect relationships and how others treat us. Showing more of our true selves can help us build deeper connections and attract relationships that better match what we truly want.
By Rosana Braga
If what we seem to be does not match what we really are, it is because we create ‘masks.
If you ask a few people who don’t know you well to define your way of being, based just on your appearance, will their definition match what you really are?
I mean, at work, on the streets, at those places where you usually go to have fun and meet people — eventually even future partners — can people tell who you really are: your ways, temper, personality, and so on?
I think this issue is of great importance because the more different people’s impressions are from what you really are inside — your thoughts, desires, beliefs, and values — the more difficult your conquests are going to be.
I’m obviously not talking about people whose objectives are based on lies and sabotage. I’m talking about honest, transparent people who look for their real selves.
So, once what you seem to be is different from what you really are, it brings about internal conflicts and cruel doubts.
When people see you as stronger than you feel
One of the most common issues is probably the following:
“Why do people treat me as if I were able to take so many responsibilities? I’m also a sensitive person, and need help, support, understanding, TLC…”
And the answer would be: certainly, because you give the impression of being a person so strong that never needs help!
This can create a frustrating contradiction. On the outside, people may see someone who is completely capable of handling everything alone. Inside, however, there may be a person who also wants support, affection, understanding, and care.
When independence hides the desire for love
Another issue:
“Why do men treat me as if I didn’t want anything serious, as if I were so independent that I didn’t need affection, companionship, romance, or stable relationships? I want to meet someone who treats me as a princess…”
And the answer would be: because you probably give the impression that whether you have someone or not makes no difference to you, that you are self-sufficient, and are doing very well this way!
The problem is not being independent. The problem arises when the image of independence completely hides your desire for affection and companionship.
The emotional masks we create
We defend ourselves against the possibility of suffering, of getting hurt, of giving ourselves to someone and not receiving a reciprocal act
Summarizing: if what we seem to be does not match what we really are, it is because we create “masks.”
And masks are nothing but defenses.
We defend ourselves against the possibility of suffering, of getting hurt, of giving ourselves to someone and not receiving a reciprocal act.
Finally, we create masks anytime that, consciously or not, we feel threatened by someone or by a feeling that we can’t cope with.
And we don’t always realize that we are wearing them.
Showing your true essence
My suggestion is that you start showing your essence.
That is, try to match your appearance with what you have in your soul, mind, and heart in order to attract what you want much more easily.
Remember that the more differences there are between your inner world and the impression you give people, the fewer the chances that they will treat you the way you really want to be treated.
Being sensitive and transparent is not a sign of weakness.
On the contrary: it’s a sign of emotional intelligence, and it enables great conquests!
* Rosana Braga is a Brazilian journalist and author of several books on self-help and relationships. She has contributed with Soul Brasil during the three first years of the magazine – www.rosanabraga.com.br
FAQ – Frequently Asked Questions
1. What does it mean to be authentic?
Being authentic means allowing the way you present yourself to others to be more consistent with your real thoughts, feelings, values, desires, and personality.
2. Why do people create emotional masks?
According to the text, emotional masks can work as defenses against suffering, rejection, getting hurt, or giving ourselves to someone without receiving something in return.
3. How can emotional masks affect relationships?
When the image we project is very different from who we really are, other people may treat us according to that image rather than our actual needs and desires. This can make relationships and romantic connections more difficult.
4. Is being independent a sign that someone does not want a relationship?
No. A person can be independent and still want affection, companionship, romance, and a stable relationship. The issue arises when an outward image of complete self-sufficiency hides those desires from others.
5. Is being sensitive a sign of weakness?
No. The author argues that being sensitive and transparent is not a weakness but a sign of emotional intelligence that can contribute to meaningful relationships and personal connections.
